Some Days Are Diamonds
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: This is set where the show currently stands & with everything pretty much the way they left it at the end of season 15. Liv is finally getting comfortable in her life again, then Elliot walks back in & she finds herself rethinking old thoughts & re-feeling old feelings. This is a scenario I think all EO fans have imagined at least once or twice. In MY MIND, this is how it goes...
1. 1) Everything That Glitters Is Not Gold

_**Author's Note: **__A new EO fic here I got the idea for a week or so ago while stuck at work. This is set where the show currently stands and with everything pretty much the way they left it at the end of season 15. I did play with Olivia's age a little bit (I tend to do that as I see my Heroin Forever Young. ;o) I'd probably put her in her early to mid-forties. (Not really even sure how old Olivia's character is supposed to be on the show, so I may not be too far off.) Liv is finally getting comfortable in her life again, then Elliot walks back in and she finds herself rethinking old thoughts and re-feeling old feelings. The title (oddly enough) was something that has been tumbling around in my brain, then I googled it to find the lyrics to a John Denver song (I had never heard until just now) that perfectly fit the mood I was trying to set with this. The title for chapter one, "__Everything That Glitters, Is Not Gold" was purposely borrowed from a Dan Seals song (great song by the way if you like 80s-90s country music.)__ Still not exactly sure where this one might go, but it is a scenario I think all EO fans have imagined at least once or twice. In MY MIND, this is how it goes…. _

_Some Days Are Diamonds_

_(Chapter One: Everything That Glitters, Is Not Gold)_

Olivia sat alone at the bar sipping a martini and studying the olive as she tried to calm her nerves. What did she have to be nervous for anyway? It was just Elliot. And he was the one who had some major explaining to do.

She curled the tips of the cocktail napkin between her fingers and exhaled looking around the room full of strangers. Why was she sitting here waiting? Why was she sitting here at all? Combing her fingers through a bit of hair that fell around her face, she began to rethink the entire situation.

This was not what she had expected two days earlier when she walked into work on a day that began like any other and took a seat at her desk. Half way through her second cup of coffee and the morning paper she looked up to see Fin standing there with a strange look on his face.

"What?" she barely got out before shifting her eyes to the doorway to see for herself what the fuss was all about.

"I said Elliot is here."

"He's back?" she asked raising on the edge of her seat trying not to make it obvious that she was staring as he spoke to a uniformed officer in the hallway.

"I didn't say he was back. But he is here. And I thought I would give you a little heads up to prepare yourself. You know he is gonna want to see you."

"Prepare myself?"

"We all know how bad he hurt you when he just disappeared like that."

"He quit his job, Fin. It isn't like he left me at the altar."

"Right. You're all tough. And tough guys don't get hurt," he replied watching as she stared at her former partner unable to even blink. "He let you down, Olivia. There is no shame in saying that. And there is no harm in telling him how he made you feel."

"That's what I pay my therapist for," she replied closing her newspaper and pulling a file from her desk.

"You're still salty. I get it. But this could be your change to mend things with each other."

"I'm not salty."

Fin glared at her.

"And you're in denial."

Olivia exhaled.

"Maybe I am still a little salty."

"Liv, I'm a little salty and he didn't hurt me near as bad as he hurt you. The man was your partner, supposed to be your best friend and have your back no matter what. I get that things got tough. Hell, we've all been there. But he could have come to you and told you instead of just letting you find out from Cragen that he resigned and wasn't coming back. And for three years he didn't bother picking up a phone and checking on you. Or at least calling to say what's up, I'm doing fine. I'd like to kick his ass for that shit!"

"Fin…"

"I know, I'm not helping. Look, all I am saying is that all that emotion and anger I know you are keeping all bottled up inside right now….it's completely normal. And I really think that you should confront him about it. It will make you feel better."

"Now you sound like my therapist."

"Maybe I missed my calling," Fin joked and Olivia smiled. "I'm gonna get lost and give you two a moment to chat," Fin said as Eliot made his way toward her.

"Fin," Elliot said with a smile as he passed his former co-worker.

"Stabler," Fin said with a nod. "Sergeant Benson is expecting you."

"Sergeant?" Elliot asked as he approached her.

"Yea," Olivia replied. "It's been three years since you left, El. A lot of things around here have changed."

"Place looks the same," he said dropping into his old desk. "This hasn't changed."

"That is Detective Amaro's desk," Olivia replied almost defensively.

"Your rookie partner," Elliot joked.

"He's not a rookie. He happens to be a damn good cop and partner."

He watched as she restacked the paperwork on her desk.

"Good. I was really hoping they'd give you somebody good."

"They were telling me down stairs that the Captain finally retired."

"A few months ago," Olivia replied with a nod. "John, too. It's…a…it's been an adjustment. They were both a big part of our team."

"Like family. Especially to you," he said and she raised her eyes to stare at him.

"What do you want, Elliot?"

"I don't…I don't want anything."

"Why did you come here? To reopen old wounds?"

"What? No."

"Because I've had enough crazy lately to last two life times. Things are just calming down, just starting to fall back into place. I like things the way they are now. So I'm really not interested in stirring up whatever drama you've brought alone with you."

"Olivia, I feel horrible about the way that I left things. I was wrong to do it that way and I know that. I hurt you. You depended on me and I let you down. And that has been eating away at me for the last three years. Would you at least give me the chance to apologize?"

She stood silently and watched as he tried to find to words to make this up to her.

"I never meant to hurt you. I just couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't take them second guessing every move I made, trying to find a way to take me down for simply doing my job. I was losing it, Liv. I was losing it all. Being married to the job was eating away at my home life. My marriage had been falling apart for years and it just came to a point where I had to make a choice. I had to choose. So I did."

She watched as he gulped and started to speak once more.

"I did what I thought was best. I chose my family over my job. I had to let this go."

"And I was what? Collateral damage?"

He closed his eyes and she could tell he was fighting back tears.

"When I let it go, I had to let it all go. That was the deal."

"We were friends, too Elliot. We could have been friends without being working together."

She paused and stared into his eyes.

"That wasn't your choice?" she asked. "That's what you meant, right? It all had to go. Meaning me. I was part of it all," she suddenly realized what he had been trying to tell her. "I get it now," she whispered. "The hours, the stress, being away from your family and me…it was all too much. Too much for her?"

"Liv…it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make."

"I understand," she whispered. "She knew, nothing was going on, right? That you and I were never anything more than friends….partners."

"I told her that."

"And did she know that you never would have cheated on her? And I never would have asked you too?"

"I told her that too."

"But it wasn't enough."

"It was everything. It wasn't just you. But you and I were close. So close, we could read each other's thoughts and finish each other's sentences. It is hard for a spouse, when you share a bond like that with someone and you don't have that with them."

"She was jealous?"

"You knew that," he said with a smile. "Do you blame her?"

"But she had absolutely no reason to be."

"I know."

"Why are you here? Why come back now?"

Elliot closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. Just then Nick walked in.

"I've got it!" he announced as Olivia raised her head to look at him. "Uh, the location on that….thing you asked me to look into," he said waving some papers in his hand. "Do you need a minute?"

"No," Olivia replied clearing her throat as she stood from her chair and pulled on her coat. "Mr. Stabler was just leaving."

"I'll, pull the car around," Amaro replied, sensing she might need a minute alone with this guy.

"Liv…."

"Elliot, I appreciate what you are trying to do here. Really, I do. But things have just started to settle down for me. I like my life the way it is and I really don't think that I want to be in the center of any Stabler family drama. No offense. It was hard for me when you left. For the first time I had to learn to stand on my own and realize that even the people you trust more than anything, will not always be there for you."

Elliot knew this was a jab at him and he felt the pain of her statement like a gash from the blade of a sword, but he stood there and took it like a man.

"Three years, Elliot. My work title is not the only thing that has changed about me. It was nice seeing you again. And I wish you well in life. But I really have to go now."

"Liv, please. Look, I know you are hurt and you have every right to be angry. Just give me a chance to repair what I have broken. Have dinner with me. Tomorrow night. There's this new place in town it is supposed to be really nice."

She watched as he scribbled the name of the place on the back of one of her business cards and handed it to her.

"Elliot," she said as she shook her head.

"Just to talk. And get everything out on the table. Then if you decide you still don't want me around, I will leave and I will never bother you again. We'll call it a birthday dinner."

"It is June. My birthday is in January."

"Hey, I owe you one."

"Well, if you want to be technical, you owe me three."

"It's a start. Okay? All I am asking is the chance to try to set things right. We may never be able to go back to the way we were before. I understand that. But I don't think it could really hurt to try."

"I'm busy tomorrow night," she replied blowing him off once more and placing the card back into his hand.

Elliot closed his fingers around hers and stared into her with pleading eyes.

"Wednesday then," he suggested.

Olivia exhaled. As good as it sounded to have her best friend back, she still wasn't so sure she should let him off the hook so easily. His abandonment caused her more pain than she would ever admit to anyone and she just didn't think she could forgive him that easily.

"Wednesday," she repeated staring at the card.

"Thank you."

"For what? I haven't forgiven you yet. I'm still not sure I can," she snapped out of bitterness before catching herself.

"For giving me a chance."

Olivia watched as he disappeared once more.

"Rare?" Rollins said reading the name of the restaurant off the card in Olivia's hand. "That place is swanky."

"I've never even heard of it," Olivia replied dropping the card on her desk.

"It's high end. Like black tie and near impossible to get a reservation," Amaro added as they all looked at him. "Cynthia and I had our three month anniversary a couple weeks ago. I wanted it to be something special."

"That's sweet," Amanda said with a smile.

"Yea, well that dinner was supposed to be for our one month anniversary. It took me that long to get the reservation."

"I hear it's nice. And the food is to die for," Rollins said, fishing for more details from his date.

"It was good. Also very expensive. I paid eighty dollars for a steak. She had chicken and we each had a glass of wine, the bill was over two hundred bucks. Not that she wasn't worth every penny, but still."

"I could think of a lot of things I'd rather do with two hundred bucks," Fin said.

"It sounds like someone is trying his best to soften you up," Amanda teased with a smile. "Maybe sweep you off your feet."

"Well, he ought to," Olivia replied, "He knows how mad I am at him. But we are just friends. Nothing else. It never has been anything else."

"Liv, that's an awful romantic restaurant for dinner with an old friend," Nick added.

"I thought you were pulling the car around?" she asked shooting him a glare. "He is just trying to impress me. I am sure he has never been there. He just knows it's a new hot spot and probably doesn't realize how romantic it is. There is nothing to worry about, if the place is that hard to get into I am sure he doesn't have reservations anyway," she said moving out the door.

"Or he knows exactly what he is doing," Amanda mumbled.

"What are you saying, Rollins?" Nick asked.

"Look, we've all picked up that there was a little sexual tension between Benson and her former partner."

"She says nothing happened, then nothing happened."

"Right. Nothing happened before. Come on, Nick. She was just a little bit head over heels for him, but nothing ever happened. Then three years later he struts back into her life….conveniently just after her break up with Cassidy. And now he is taking her to dinner at some fancy new super romantic restaurant that is near impossible to get into. I just can't shake the feeling that maybe former Detective Stabler is trying to put the moves on your partner."

"Olivia is a big girl. She is perfectly capable of taking care of herself."

He paused for a moment to think things over.

"But if he thinks I am just gonna stand by and let him hurt her again, he's got another thing coming."

"Would you like another, ma'am?" the bartender asked as Olivia looked up at him.

"Oh, I really shouldn't. I am meeting someone and he should be here any minute."

"He's running late?"

"No, not really. I just got here a little early. You know what, maybe one more. Straight up, two olives this time."

"No problem. Coming right up."

Olivia turned to scan the room once more in search of a familiar face. This place was packed and it didn't really appear to be the cozy little romantic joint she'd imagined when her coworkers had described it to her.

She fidgeted nervously as the bartender handed her the drink.

"You look nice," he said and she raised her eyes to meet his.

"Are you flirting with me?"

"No," he laughed. "I didn't mean it to sound like a come on. It's just….well, you look like you are nervous to meet someone. And I know that most women feel self-conscious when they are nervous. But you shouldn't. You look nice. It was a compliment."

Olivia smiled.

"Thank you."

"Not that you aren't pretty enough to come onto."

She smiled again.

"Are you sure you are not hitting on me?" she said as they both laughed.

"No, ma'am. I'm happily married," he said raising his hand to reveal a gold band. "To the doorman," he added pointing across the room as Olivia looked.

"Well, he is a very lucky man," she replied.

"Thank you," he said with a smile.

She watched as he moved down the bar and to serve other customers. Stirring her drink, she popped an olive into her mouth and reconsidered her situation for a moment. Part of her had been so relieved to see Elliot that she had not really thought things through before accepting his invitation to dinner.

It wasn't that she didn't miss her friend. She missed him terribly. And over the last three years there had been so many times when she'd needed him. Needed to speak to him or just to hear his voice, but he wasn't there.

When things went terribly wrong, through all of the events with Lewis and her break up with Brian, she needed her friend. But he was nowhere to be found. And in the wonderful moments when something good happened and she wanted to share it, he was the one she wanted to tell it to. But he wasn't there for that either.

Being without him all of this time had forced Olivia to realize that she didn't need anyone. That she could survive just fine on her own. But it had also made her just a little colder. She was weary and often untrusting of people now.

It had always been hard for her to let people in. But after Elliot walked out of her life, Olivia realized that people cannot hurt you if you never let them close enough to reach you. And it wasn't until recently while discussing all of this in her weekly therapy sessions that she realized how big a part this had played in the dissolution of her relationship with Brian as well.

And after everything, all of the good and the bad. After she trusted him more than she had ever trusted anyone and after he left her feeling wounded and abandoned like a stray dog on the side of the road, here she sat waiting for him. After he hurt her worse than anyone else had ever hurt her in her entire life, like that dog, she still came running in excitement when he called her name.

Even after being kicked and abused, neglected and abandoned….she was that stupid dog that just couldn't help but come back for more. Loving unconditionally and beyond her own control. Hoping that somehow this time would be different and knowing that no one else in the world could hurt her as bad as he could, because to her, he was the greatest thing in the world. Knowing the only thing that hurt more than the pain he inflicted on her was the pain of living without him, she sat here waiting.

"This is ridiculous," she said laying her credit card on the bar as she stood to go.

"Put it on our bill," Elliot's voice said from behind her as the bartender handed back the credit card. "You're early."

"I'm always early."

Olivia took a deep breath and held it as she turned to look at him.

"You look nice," he said with a warm smile.

"Thank you, so do you. This place is packed. I hope you have reservations."

"I've got us taken care of," Elliot replied with a laugh.

He took her hand and led her across the room to the hostess. Olivia watched as he whispered to the woman and she responded with a nod.

"Your table will be ready in one moment, Mr. Stabler."

"How did you do that?" Olivia asked. "Nick said it took him months to get a table at this place."

"I might have some connections."

"Oh yea?"

"Yea," he replied pointing to a plaque on the wall.

"Kathleen is the manager?"

Elliot smiled.

"I told you I had connections."

Olivia laughed.

Soon the hostess returned and showed them to a quieter area toward the back of the building that was usually reserved for private parties.

"We have our own room?" Olivia asked.

"And your own waiter," a familiar voice said as they took their seats.

"Kathleen, you're all grown up," Olivia said standing to hug the girl.

"Yea, well it was bound to happen eventually," she joked. "It's good to see you, Liv."

"This place is amazing. I hear it is really popular. And the food has been highly recommended."

"Can I start you guys with a glass of wine?"

"That sounds wonderful," Olivia said with a smile. "It is good to see her doing so well," she said watching as Kathleen disappeared into the next room. "I know things were really hard on her for a while."

"She got straightened out and stopped the drinking and partying. It took her a while to accept her bipolar diagnosis, but she is seeing a good doctor. They found a medication that works well for her and she graduated top in her class from the culinary institute last spring."

"That's great. How is everyone else?"

"They're good. Maureen is in her second year of medical school."

"Wow."

"She is going to be a Pediatrician. The twins graduated high school and Elizabeth just started school at Hudson. Dickie never gave up on the Army thing. He enlisted right after his eighteenth birthday."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Yea. I wasn't necessarily against it. I just didn't want that to be a choice he made out of anger toward me. If that is truly what he wants to do with his life, I think it is an honorable path to choose. All I asked was that he finished school first. We still have our issues from time to time, but things are a lot better between us now. Sometimes I have to remind myself to just bite my tongue and listen to what they are trying to say, you know? I've always been horrible at that."

"You can be a pretty good listener when you want to be," she replied.

"I think losing Shane really solidified the choice to join the army for Dickie. Now it is something he is doing in memory of his best friend. That drive for him to do it is that much stronger. All in all, I think it was a great choice. He will learn a lot from the military. Plus he will get to travel and see the world. Then when he is ready, he can still attend college if he chooses to."

"I'm glad to hear the two of you are patching things up."

"Eli just turned six. He started first grade last month and he really seems to like that."

"That's crazy. It doesn't seem like he could possibly be that big already. It sounds like everyone is doing well."

"They are adjusting. The divorce was hard on them all, but we're making it work."

"Elliot, I'm really sorry. When did it happen?"

"A little over a year ago. But it had been coming for a long time. I thought giving up my job and my friends would be enough to save things. But all that really did was fuel the resentment. We have both spent this last year making a new start for ourselves and trying to be the best parents we can be for our children. And honestly, I think we are both happier people and better parents since the divorce."

The conversation paused as they ordered their food. Olivia munched on a bread stick from the bread basket in the center of the table as she listened to him talk some more about the kids. But she felt a knot the size of a boulder rise in her throat when the conversation turned to her.

_**When you ask how I've been here without you, **_

_**I like to say I've been fine, and I do.**_  
_**But we both know the truth is hard to come by. **_

_**And if I told the truth, that's not quite true.**_

"How have you been?" he asked and she hesitated to answer.

"I'm alright."

"Three years and all I get is 'I'm alright.'"

"Peachy, El. I'm peachy."

He smiled.

"You know, some days are harder than others," she said before catching herself.

_**Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. **_

_**Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone.**_  
_**Sometimes the cold winds blow a chill in my bones.**_  
_**Some days are diamonds, some days are stone.**_

"So I heard through the grape vine that you and Cassidy were a thing."

"We dated for almost two years. And lived together for a while."

"Was he good to you?"

"Yes, he was. I loved him."

"I'm sorry things didn't work out for you."

"You know firsthand how this job effects a relationship," she said taking a sip from her wine glass.

"It's hard. I couldn't imagine both of you working in this field."

"It was difficult. But we managed. Sometimes things just don't work out."

"How's the salmon?" he asked.

"It is really good. The dill sauce is perfect," she replied as an odd silence fell over the table.

They both knew they needed to just lay it all out and get to the heart of the problem. But neither of them quite knew how to start the conversation or was sure how it would end.

_**Now the face that I see in my mirror, more and more is a stranger to me.**_  
_**More and more I can see there's a danger in becoming what I never thought I'd be.**_  
_**Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. **_

_**Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone.**_  
_**Sometimes the cold winds blow a chill in my bones.**_  
_**Some days are diamonds, some days are stone.**_

"Elliot…" Olivia finally said breaking the silence.

"Yes?"

"I understand why you left. But what I don't get, is why it took you so long to come back?"

Elliot shifted uncomfortably as she stared at him with questions in her eyes.

"You've been divorced over a year. Kathy wasn't keeping you away. But still you didn't come back."

"I've made a lot of mistakes, Liv. I'm not gonna pretend I haven't. The biggest mistake of all was hurting you. Look, we were partners and best friends. But we both know there was much more to it than that."

"What are you talking about?" she asked watching him closely as she made him spell it out.

"There were a lot of emotions and unresolved feelings involved. Feelings I know that we both had and never acted on," he said staring deep into her eyes. "You weren't the only one who felt it, Olivia."

She stared at him nervously as she pressed her lips together.

"We were attracted to each other," she admitted out loud after nearly sixteen years without breaking her stare. "You were married. Nothing ever came of it. Is that why you are here now?"

"I'm here because three years is too damn long. There was a time when we didn't go a day without seeing each other or talking to each other. When we talked about everything and nothing at all. You were the only one I could talk to about anything. You were there no matter what, through thick and through thin. Even when I'd made you so angry you couldn't stand to look at me, you were still there for me. I got used to that. I took advantage of it and I neglected it. I didn't appreciate what an incredible friendship I had with you until it was gone."

"It didn't just disappear, Elliot. You disappeared. You left and you took it all away," she whispered fighting back tears. "You took away our friendship without even talking to me. You just vanished. You didn't call or write a note, nothing. You just left me. Here, alone. The one person I trusted more than anyone, and you just walked away from me without a word. Like I meant nothing to you after all of these years. How did you think I would feel? Did I ever even cross your mind?"

"At least once a day, every day that I have been gone. I missed my best friend."

"And it still took you a year after your divorce to come back around?"

"I spent a lot of time just getting up the nerve to talk to you again. I knew you were angry with me."

"I wasn't angry, El. I was hurt. I guess I still am. A lot of really tough things have gone on in my life while you've been gone and….I needed you," she said as a single tear rolled off her cheek.

"I know. And I am so sorry, Olivia. I know that we can't just go back to the way things were before. It is going to take some time and a lot of trust. All I am asking is that you give me the chance to make things right between us again. I want my friend back. I need my friend back. And I will do anything to make things right between us again."

"Anything," she said with a sarcastic smile.

"You name it."

"I don't want anything from you, El. It's just asking a lot, you know? For me to trust you blindly, the way that I did before after…."

"After I let you down the way that I did. I understand."

"But I am glad that you came back. And it really is so good to see you. I missed you. I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too."

"This place is really good," Olivia said with a smile. "Thank you for dinner."

"No problem. It is good. But you know what I could really go for is a cup of coffee and a pretzel from that vendor in the park."

She laughed.

"Sounds good, right?" he asked.

"Actually, it does."

"I'll get the check."

Out front, Elliot flagged them a Taxi and moments later they stepped out into the park. It was cool for a summer night and a thousand stars glittered above them in the night sky.

"This is a little more my style," he said handing her a cup of coffee and a giant pretzel.

"You know we really probably could have shared one," she said tearing off a small piece and tossing it into her mouth.

"I know. But I also remember how you like to feed most of yours to the ducks. So I figured we'd share this one."

Olivia smiled.

They walked around for a little while, then took a seat on their old favorite bench. They seemed to be slipping quickly back into their old ways, but there was still just a bit of awkwardness lingering in the air.

They sat there for a while talking about old times. As badly as he wanted to, Elliot didn't ask any details about the bad times she had mentioned.

Sitting there with her was like old times for him. And just like old times, there were several moments when he was unsure if the feelings he was feeling inside for her were unwanted or inappropriate.

Elliot had always been truthful with himself about his attraction to Olivia. She was beautiful, she was smart and sexy and amazing and any man in the world would have to be crazy not to find her attractive. These feelings, were part of the reason it took him so long to get up the nerve to see her again.

Wanting so badly once again to be close to the Olivia who had been his best friend for all of those years, he had decided once more that any hint of sexual attraction had to remain in the past. He just couldn't risk losing her again.

Nothing was said, but there it was between them once more, in the echo of nervous laughter and the still of the silence. In the linger of a stare that seemed to last just a little too long or the flash of a shy smile in hope of hiding the nervousness as they seemed to tiptoe around the matter right in front of them.

It was clear the friendship was still there and they were both interested in rekindling that. But somehow neither of them had thought about the unresolved feelings of attraction toward each other. No one had really thought that they could possibly resurface as well.

"It's getting late," Elliot said clearing his throat. "Half past midnight."

"Oh, wow. I have to work in the morning."

"I guess time just slipped away from us," he said as he flagged them a cab.

"I really enjoyed hanging out with you tonight," she said with a soft smile.

"I enjoyed it too. Liv, I know it is a lot to ask, but I would really like for us to be friends again."

"I'd like that, too."

"Good," he replied exhaling in relief.

"This is my building," she said as the cab driver stopped the car.

"Nice place," Elliot said looking around them.

"Brian and I moved in here together. I kept the place when he moved out. I just couldn't bring myself to go back to my old place," she said suddenly realizing he had no idea what had happened there.

He followed her off the elevator and to the door of her apartment.

"Olivia, I can never tell you enough how sorry I am that I hurt you."

"You could have called, you know," she joked half-heartedly. "I may have moved, but my phone number never changed. Yours did though."

"I deserve that," he said as her phone beeped.

"Did you just text me?" she laughed.

"Now you have my number. Don't be afraid to use it. Anytime, day or night. If you need a friend, someone to talk to or just someone to listen….I am here."

Olivia smiled.

"I'm glad to hear that."

She stared into his eyes as he moved closer to her. Olivia half expected him to kiss her and wasn't quite sure how she felt about that, when Elliot made a last minute move and closed his arms around her in an awkward hug.

"Good night, Liv."

"Good night, El," she whispered as he pulled away and headed back down the hall.

Elliot climbed into the back of the taxi feeling like a fool. He was glad to have made some progress toward getting his friend back, but he was going to have to do something about the lingering feelings of sexual attraction he felt toward her.

Part of him said to chill out and focus on rebuilding the friendship he had cost them when he left her behind three years ago. But that tiny little voice in the back of his head whispered for him to go for it. Realistically, they had a lot in common and could possibly make a good couple. But also realistically, a break up could destroy their friendship once and for all.

He smoothed his hands over his face and tried to think of one good reason he should have just kissed her right there in the hallway. He could tell by the look in her eyes that he wasn't the only one who still had these feelings. Elliot cleared his throat and stared out the window, trying to remind himself exactly why he didn't just go for it before.

Suddenly, there it was. The main reason he hadn't acted on any attraction toward Olivia in the past was because he was married to Kathy. But that wasn't the case anymore.

He was single. And Liv was single. As many reasons as he had not to move on this, he had one more big reason to make his move….he loved her. Not just loved her as in cared for her. But was head over heels, stupid in love with her. And at least a teeny tiny part of him had been all along.

"Turn the car around," he said and the driver looked at him in the rearview mirror.

"Go back?"

"Yes. Go back."

Elliot couldn't wait on the elevator so he rushed up the stairs. Stopping to try and catch his breath, he knocked on the door.

"Elliot?" Olivia said obviously surprised to see him and looking more beautiful than ever. "You're out of breath. Are you okay?"

"The elevator was slow so I ran up the stairs. I had to talk to you."

"You ran up five flights of stairs?"

He drew a deep breath and gave her a nod.

"What was so important you couldn't just call or text me?"

"I forgot something."

"You forgot something. What did you forget?" she asked stepping right into his trap.

"This," he replied raising her chin with his fingertip and kissing her tenderly, but passionately.

When their lips parted, Olivia's eyes were still closed. It was the most magical, most perfect first kiss she had ever had and she'd shared it with her best friend.

"Elliot," she whispered as she opened her eyes and reality flooded in around her.

"I know."

She stared at him for a moment, then leaned forward slipping one arm around his waist and pressing her mouth to his once more. Her kiss was softer and sweeter, but quickly heated up as their tongues met once more.

Olivia giggled a bit as he backed her against the wall and continued kissing her. She opened the apartment door and pulled him inside by the tie. They kissed their way down the hallway to her bedroom where she pushed the door shut behind them.

Elliot closed his arms around her waist and could not help but notice how perfectly Olivia fit with him. Her body against his body, every one of her soft curves falling exactly into place as if they had been carved from the same piece of material.

Olivia sighed and a chill sent goose bumps down her spine as Elliot kissed just the right spot on her neck. She tipped her head back and stared into him with her big brown eyes, everything inside of her pleading with him to just love her the way she had always imagined he would someday.

Elliot smiled a sexy smile as he reached up with one hand pulling the pin from her dark locks of hair allowing to fall all around her face. This right here was his Heaven. Olivia was his fantasy girl, the one most guys only dream about. The girl from the bikini posters and underwear ads in magazines. The sex goddess that every man wanted, but no one ever had because there was no way a woman that perfect existed in a world without Photoshop. But here she was. Absolutely perfect in every single way. The woman of his dreams was very real and her name was Olivia Benson.

"Is something wrong?" she whispered sweetly staring at him in the moonlight.

"No," he replied with a kiss. "Everything is perfect."

Olivia smiled as she pressed her lips together and Elliot could already tell he was gonna like where this was going. She reached behind her neck to undo the single strap of her little black dress.

Elliot was only mildly disappointed when the dress didn't fall immediately to the floor at her feet. Reaching behind her, he unzipped the garment until it fell loose around her. Smiling shyly, his angel stood before him in her black strapless bra and black lace panties.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered before kissing her again.

Before long, they were rolling around in her bed naked together. Kissing and touching, laughing and exploring a side of each other that they had never known before. Elliot laid beside her in the bed as Olivia smiled at him. She smoothed her palm over the muscles of his bare chest and stared into his eyes. Here they were, she and Elliot, together in her bed and about to make love for the first time.

"I want this," she whispered raising her body and placing it against his.

"Oh God, I do too."

Olivia smiled and laughed a little as she pressed her mouth to his and pulling him in against her, lowered herself back against the bed.

Afterward, they laid together. He held her tight in his arms as he felt her smile against his chest.

"What?" he asked.

"This is real?" she asked with a smile as he pressed his lips to hers.

"It's real," he assured her. "Every single second of it was real. And incredible."

"Yea, it was," she agreed a little embarrassed as she held the sheet against her body.

"Don't you have to work in the morning?"

"Yes."

"Then you should probably lay back down here and get some sleep," he said with a smile raising his arm for her to settle back in against him.

"Good night, Elliot," she said softly.

"Good night, Olivia," he whispered in response.

A few hours later Elliot woke up alone. He yawned and sat up to see her sitting in an arm chair across the room.

"It's like four in the morning. What are you doing up?"

"I don't sleep through the night. I can't," she replied laying down the book she was reading by moonlight. "I haven't in a while. It's just a thing…"

"A thing?"

"You know. Some people have a fear of heights or water, I have crazy dreams."

"Come here," he said patting the bed beside him.

"El, it isn't a big deal."

"It is a big deal. Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what? My dreams?"

"Your dreams. Your lack of sleep. Or anything that is bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me. I am fine, really. I am so used to this, I don't even require much sleep anymore. A couple of hours a night and a good cup of coffee and I am good to go."

"The dreams…is it because of what happened with Lewis?"

Olivia's eyes shot up and she stared at him.

"How do you…"

"I read the papers, Liv."

He said and suddenly she looked as if she were about to cry.

_**Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. **_

_**Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone.**_  
_**Sometimes the cold winds blow a chill in my bones.**_  
_**Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. **_

"I should have been here for you."

"I needed you," she whispered. "Nick camped out on my couch for a month. Fin called every twenty minutes to check up on me and Brian….Brian tried everything he could think of to comfort me, but I didn't want him. I wanted you. I needed you."

Elliot kissed her tenderly. Olivia drew a deep breath and did her best to compose herself.

"But you're here now," she said forcing a smile.

"I'm here now," he echoed kissing her once more. "You can talk to me, Olivia. You can tell me anything and it stays right here between us, you know that."

She blinked and gave a soft nod, then laid down beside him in the bed.

"I don't like to talk about it," she said.

"I know. But you can't always keep things all bottled up inside. You should really try to get some rest."

"I told you, I can't sleep."

"I know, but I wasn't here before," he said pulling her tighter into his arms and kissing her. "If I hold you real tight, it will keep the bad dreams away."

Olivia smiled fighting back tears.

"You think so, huh?"

"I think it is definitely a theory worth testing," he replied as he kissed the top of her head. "Now close those pretty brown eyes."

Elliot pulled the blankets up around them and within minutes, they were both sound asleep.

Olivia was surprised when she woke a few hours later fully rested and recharged.

"I can't believe you did it," she said as Elliot opened his eyes to look at her.

"You feel better?"

"I feel so much better," she replied with a kiss. "Thank you."

"No problem. You know what always makes me feel better?" he asked and she giggled playfully as he pulled the blankets back over their heads.

Things were just heating up when a strange sound echoed through the apartment. Olivia pushed the blankets back and reached into the floor for her robe as the infant began to cry once more.

"You have a baby?" Elliot stuttered.

"Yes. His name is Noah and he is amazing," Olivia gushed tying her bathrobe shut. "Would you like to meet him?" she blurted out, but the look on Elliot's face said it all.

Olivia was crushed, but wasn't about to let him see it.

"Silly, I guess. No one wants chit chat about babies with their one night stand," she said trying hard to hide the fact that she was devastated by his reaction and give him an easy way out.

But Elliot just sat there staring at her like a fool.

"I'd better," she exhaled pointing down the hall. "You can show yourself out," she said moving quickly down the hall.

She stepped into the nursery and collapsed against the door in tears. Looking around the room, she reached up and unplugged the baby monitor so that Elliot wouldn't be able to hear her cry.

"Hey little man," she whispered at her son as he smiled at her over the rail of his crib.

Olivia couldn't help but smile back at the child. She laughed nervously and wiped her face as she reached into the crib and picked little Noah up.

"Mommy's okay," she assured him as she cradled him in her arms and kissed the top of his head. "Let's get you changed, huh?"

Noah gurgled and cooed, then smiled at her again. Olivia kissed his little fist and somehow, she knew that no matter how bad things sometimes seemed, she was going to be okay. And with that Olivia learned that no matter how wonderful things may seem, everything that glitters, is not gold.

_**Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. **_

_**Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone.**_  
_**Sometimes the cold winds blow a chill in my bones.**_  
_**Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. **_


	2. 2) Unbreak My Heart

_Some Days Are Diamonds_

_(Chapter Two: Unbreak My Heart)_

It was barely six o'clock on Thursday morning when Nick walked into the precinct. After spending the evening playing board games and Cynthia and the kids he had managed to turn in a little early and get a good night's sleep. Now fully rested, he figured he'd head in early and take a look at this case with fresh eyes.

"Olivia?" he said half shocked by the fact that she was here this early.

"Nick," she said without looking away from her computer.

"You're here early. Couldn't sleep?"

"You know me, I never sleep," she said closing one file and reaching for another. "What about you? I thought you had your Zara on Wednesdays?"

"I did. Cynthia came over with Gill and we made pizza and played some games. Zara kicks some butt at Clue."

Olivia smiled at him.

"Sounds like you got in some good quality family time."

"It was nice. Having everyone together like that. It's good for the kids and it's good for me."

"How are Gill and Zara handling the brother and sister news?"

"They're doing alright with it. Of course it helps that we don't all live under one roof. I'm sure things might be different then. Zara asked me the other day how Gill is her brother if Cynthia isn't her mommy. I just froze."

"I guess it is a lot for a six year old to comprehend."

"I just worry, you know? How all of this will affect them both. On one hand is Zara, who has never known anything but a world where her mom and dad are together. I mean Maria has spent a lot of time overseas, so she's used to us not being in the same house….I guess that is in her favor. But she is having to adjust to the divorce and awkward visitation schedules and now she has a brother she has never known. And then Gill, he has lived his entire life so far thinking he didn't have a father. Bonded with me for nearly four months as his uncle, then finds out that I am really his biological father. I want to make things right for them, God knows I do. But things are just so crazy. Now I am on desk duty, pending an investigation. What if I lose my shield? What kind of message am I sending to my kids then?"

"We're not gonna let that happen. We all know those charges are ridiculous."

"I beat that man, Olivia. I beat him and I didn't stop. I snapped. We have helped put people away for less than that."

Olivia stared at him for a moment.

"I've been there, Nick. Right where you are now, when I was in that room with Lewis. It is a scary place, when you see this side of yourself that you never knew existed before. But you've got a lot of people in your corner. And every single one of us will gladly go to bat for you. You are an amazing man, Nick Amaro. And a damn good father who would do anything for his kids. They might be young, but they know their father loves them. Gill and Zara, they know that you would do anything in the world for them and that is never going to change."

"I hope you're right. You know, technically I could get into trouble just bringing you that file," he said pointing to the papers he had given her the day before.

"What file?" she asked blinking her dark eyes at him.

Nick smiled and shook his head.

"You know that I greatly appreciate everything that you have done to help me with this. And I would never let you go down for sticking your neck out like this for me. You didn't have to do this. I would have found another way. All I needed was a name, I never expected you to actually bring me the sealed records."

"You're my partner," he said with a nod. "And getting to the bottom of this is the only thing that is going to secure your custody of Noah. We have to figure out exactly how all of this revolves around that little boy. I could have given you that name. You would have went in there and they would have jerked you around for a few months and then maybe given you and edited version of the file that wouldn't have been any help what so ever. Or…."

"Or?"

"Or, I still happen to have a few connections. Or friends with connections, rather. I figured I'd better use them while I've got them. Luckily, Maria isn't completely pissed off at me over the Cynthia and Gill thing and she was more than willing to help out when I told her it was for you."

"Well I owe you both big. But you really shouldn't have put yourself out there like that for me."

"I'm your partner, partners do things like that for each other. Finding out the truth about who he is….that's what is best for you and it's what is best for Noah. Besides, you'd do it for me."

Olivia smiled.

"As far as the Cynthia and Gill thing….I really don't think Maria should be angry with you over that. You and Cynthia, that happened before you ever even met Maria. You didn't cheat on her. And if you had known that your relationship with Cynthia had resulted in a child, I am sure you would have told Maria. You are an honest man, Nick. And I am honored to call you my partner."

"You see," he said with a laugh, "that is exactly why you and I work so well together."

Olivia laughed.

"Seriously though, take a deep breath and just try to take advantage of the time you have with them right now. You have a great team fighting for you. We all trust and believe in you. We know you are a damn good cop and in a few weeks, that jury will know that too."

"I hope you're right. Right now, I might as well be on house arrest."

"You're not in jail," she pointed out.

"That's true. I guess things could be worse. But they took my gun and chained me to this desk. I'm a damn secretary. They won't let me use my gun, but they can't stop me from using my brain."

"Well, your insight on all of this has been very helpful. And I was thinking I would treat you to lunch this afternoon to thank you. Anywhere you want to go."

"That deli on Canal has the best Ruben I have ever tasted."

"Alright then, it's a date," she said moving in for her second cup of liquid inspiration.

"Speaking of dates….how'd it go last night with Stabler?"

Nick watched as she obviously avoided looking at him.

"It went. And it wasn't a date."

"So, you two make nice?"

"We talked," she replied blowing the steam from across the top of her coffee mug. "You were right about that restaurant. The food was amazing."

"Yea," he said with a nod as she sat back down. "But how'd it go?"

"I don't know, Nick. There are still a lot of issues there. We talked about the past. And he brought me up to date on his children."

"Does he know how bad he hurt you when he left?"

"It may have come up a time or two."

Olivia shifted her eyes to meet his.

"I'm making you uncomfortable," Nick said noting the nervousness in her stare.

"It's fine."

"I know, you are always 'fine.' But you know I am here for you. You can talk to me about anything and I am here for you. You can trust me."

"I do," she said with a soft smile. "It isn't easy for me to trust new people. Hell, I am still learning to trust the ones who've been around forever….but I trust you, Nick. You have been there for me through Hell and back. With the whole Lewis, thing….you practically had to carry me out of that beach house."

"Liv, if this is too painful…."

"No, I needed someone….and you were there. Stubborn as hell, camped out on my couch and wouldn't leave for weeks. But you made sure I ate and showered and didn't go insane," she laughed. "You are the reason, I didn't go insane. I'm stubborn. I know you already know that. But I never would have asked for help. I didn't have to. You are a great partner, Nick and an amazing friend," she replied placing her hand in his, "you have more than earned my trust."

He smiled.

"Thank you. I know how hard it is to let someone get close to you after being hurt so badly by someone you care about. And I know how bad you want to believe this guy when he says he is sorry and wants to make everything alright again. I'm not trying to be a jerk here….I know you can take care of yourself. I just don't want to see this guy hurt you again. I think you have had enough hurt while. Things are really starting to look good for once, Olivia and if anyone deserves something good it is you after all that you have been through this last year."

Nick looked up to realize she was crying.

"Liv, if it was something I said….I didn't mean to upset you."

"It wasn't you. It's just….it's been a long night. And kind of a rough morning. I'm a mess," she said wiping her eyes.

"Olivia, are you okay?" Nick said softly.

"I will be. I just need to focus on what's important and get myself back on track. And stop getting so distracted all of the time."

Just then Fin walked in and Olivia cleared her throat.

"What do we have going on today?" Fin asked pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"I've got some new notes on the Porter case. I am meeting with Barba in a few hours to see if we have enough to make an arrest."

"And the other thing?" Fin asked.

"What other thing?"

"The thing about your date last night with Elliot," Fin in a teasing tone with a grin.

"It wasn't a date," she insisted brushing past him and heading down the hall toward the file room.

"Whoa," Fin said looking at Amaro.

"What do you know about this guy?" Nick asked.

"Who, Stabler? He was her partner for years. Before I even came to SVU. Guy was a straight shooter for the most part. Real good cop. Had a bit of an anger problem, but he always had your back. Why you ask?"

"Something's going on with Olivia. She says it's nothing. But in my experience when a woman says nothing is wrong, it usually means that something is definitely wrong."

"You ask her about it?"

"Yea. She says they talked and caught up on old times. But it's what she wasn't saying that was really bugging me. The look in her eyes. Fin, something happened last night, something she isn't wanting to tell me about."

"Maybe you should just leave it alone then," Fin joked. "Look, I know Benson. If she wants you to know about something, she'll come to you. Give her a little time. You two don't usually sit around making girl talk and giving each other relationship advice, do you?"

"Well, no."

"I've never really heard her talk much about her personal life, other than to mention a few things here and there about Noah. She's just a private kind of person, Nick."

"Maybe. She has just been through so much lately. I guess I am just worried this Stabler character might be bringing along more drama than he's worth."

"Look, Olivia is a grown woman. And she has had a rough time lately, but she does really well at handling things on her own. She knows if any guy messes with her I'll be the first in line to knock his teeth out, but if she says things are fine we just have to take her word for it. I mean if she doesn't want our help, what can we do?"

"I was just thinking…."

"Of course you were," Fin said turning to look Amaro in the eye.

"I'm not that new. I might still be the rookie around here, but she is my partner, Fin. I know Olivia. And I know her well enough to know that something isn't right with her. Something went down last night and for whatever reason, she doesn't feel comfortable telling me about it. But…"

"But you think I can do something to make her talk?"

"She was crying, Fin. And when I tried to press her for details, she changed the subject. Maybe they did just talk. But whatever he said to her last night…..he broke her. And we need to fix her."

"You're bring a bit dramatic, aren't you?"

"I have seen Olivia go through a lot in the time we have worked together. I've seen her scared and depressed, this is something different. You know Stabler. Maybe she'll open up to you about him. I just want to know that she's okay. After everything Olivia has been through these last several months….well, she kind of fragile, you know? And it is our job as the male figures in her life to make sure she is protected. She is my partner and my friend."

"You know, Amaro, I didn't like you much when you first came along."

"No?" Nick asked as the smile quickly disappeared from his face.

"But you're growing on me," Fin said. "I'll talk to Olivia."

That afternoon Olivia had just returned from chasing down a few leads. Walking into the bullpen she noticed the figure of a man standing beside her desk.

"Elliot, what are you doing here?"

"I was hoping to get a chance to talk," she stared at him noticing the large bouquet of flowers in his left hand. "I know you are busy, it will only take a moment."

"You're right. I am busy," she replied brushing past him to hang up her jacket.

"Liv, please. Just give me five minutes, okay? Look, I know I screwed up," he whispered and she looked up to see Nick and Amanda pretending not to watch them.

Olivia exhaled in annoyance.

"You've got five minutes in the cribs," she snapped waling quickly past him as he followed her down the hall.

"This can't be good," Amaro said watching them walk down the hall.

"He brought flowers," Amanda pointed out.

"I got a bad feeling about this guy."

"You got a bad feeling about any guy who tries to put the moves on your partner," Amanda replied.

Nick flashed her a look of disagreement.

"All I'm sayin' is maybe a new relationship would be good for Olivia. You know? Things are starting to look up for her after her break up with Brian. She's got custody of little Noah, she is rebuilding her life. She needs a new start. And maybe this guy could be the one to give it to her," Rollins explained.

"I was a jerk," Elliot said stepping into the room as she entered behind him.

Pushing the door closed for privacy, Olivia spun around and slapped Elliot across the face.

"What the hell was that for?" he mumbled rubbing his hand against the red mark on his face.

"You were a jerk, Elliot. You were more than a jerk, you were….you were a…."

He stared at her waiting for the worst thing she could possible think to call him, but nothing came.

"A prick? An asshole?" he asked trying to make her smile. "You're right. I was all of those things."

"How could you do this to me?"

"I…I didn't mean to do anything to you."

"You disappear from the face of the earth for three years. Then you just waltz back in here like nothing ever happened. You take me to some fancy place for a steak and a glass of wine. You say a few pretty words just to get me right back where you wanted me. Well this time you got it all, didn't you?"

"That wasn't my intention, Olivia."

"What exactly were your intentions? Huh? You resurface after all this time. Knowing that poor old Liv still carries a flame for you. You wine me and dine me. Then what? Fuck me and leave me? And what? You feel guilty now because you didn't realize there was a kid in tow?"

"Liv," he said reaching to brush a bit of hair from her eyes.

"Don't touch me," she snarled pushing back against him as Elliot spun her around and pinned her against the wall.

Olivia stood there with tears streaming down her face and just stared at him.

"I made a mistake," she said staring into him. "Went after something I thought that I wanted, but I don't."

"Olivia."

"Look, just go back to where ever it is that you have been for the last three years and leave me the hell alone," she said storming out of the room.

Elliot stood there alone for a few minutes. He looked down at the bouquet in his hand and made his way back down the hall.

Nick watched closely as Elliot hovered around Olivia's desk.

"Is there something I can help you with, Mr. Stabler?" he asked standing and approaching the man sizing him up for the first time.

"I'm just waiting for Olivia," Elliot replied sitting on the edge of her desk.

"Sergeant Benson is in disposed at the moment. But I'll be sure to tell her you stopped by."

"I just need to talk to her. I know she is upset. And I know she is in the ladies room. In ten minutes she'll have calmed down and she will come out here and we will work this all out. I appreciate you looking out for her, but this really doesn't concern you."

Nick pressed his lips together and shook his head.

"I don't think you are hearing me, man. She doesn't want to see you. And when she does come out of that bathroom, she doesn't want you to be here. I think maybe you ought to move along now. We don't want any trouble."

"I'm not looking for trouble," Elliot replied. "I just want to talk to her."

Nick exhaled.

"I get it. I do. The two of you had a falling out and you just want to smooth things over. See, my problem is, she wants you gone. I think you should go. She's got your number, right?"

Elliot stared at him and began to nod.

"She'll call you when she's ready to talk," Nick said patting him on the back and pointing him in the direction of the door. "Don't forget your flowers," he replied handing the bouquet to Elliot.

Elliot was angry enough at this guy to take his head off right here. But he knew that hurting her partner was no way to score points with Olivia. He exhaled and disappeared with his flowers.

Meanwhile, in the ladies room….

"Everything alright in here?"

"Fin?" Olivia asked stepping out of the stall to stare the man in the face. "What are you doing in the ladies room?"

"I saw you come in. I knew you were upset so I gave you a few minutes for privacy, then I came in. Just thought I'd let you know the coast was clear. Elliot's gone."

"He is? I didn't think he'd go away that easily."

"Well, Amaro can be very convincing."

Olivia laughed through her tears.

"Just me and you now," he said leaning against the door so no one could walk in on them. "You wanna tell me about it?"

"Let's just say, I made a huge mistake."

"You mean cause you slept with him?" Fin asked and Olivia looked mortified. "Don't tell me you guys could hear us talking all the way out in the bullpen!"

"Na, I heard it from the bunk across the room. It's impossible to catch a nap around this place."

"Oh God, Fin…"

"Hey, I can't help you fix the problem if I don't know all of the details anyway. And what I know stays between you and me, I promise you that. Look, Liv, we all make mistakes. We do things we think are right in the moment and sometimes it turns out we made the wrong choices. I can't even tell you how many bad hook ups I've had."

Olivia laughed a little.

"But you have to face it eventually. You can't hid out in this bathroom for the rest of your life."

"I guess not."

"You want to tell me what happened?"

"I didn't even mean for it to happen. I don't think he did either. There were just so many unresolved feelings….the night started off really good. We had dinner and talked. Then we just got coffee and pretzels and hung out at the park feeding the birds like we used to do. It was really starting to feel like old times again. We shared a cab back to my apartment."

"And he put the moves on you?"

"No. I kept waiting for him to try and kiss me. It really seemed like he was going to and it wasn't until that moment that I realized how badly I really wanted it to happen. But it didn't. He left. I went inside, the babysitter left and I was just about to change for bed when I heard a knock at the door."

"Elliot?"

"He said he had forgotten something," she paused for a minute and smiled. "When I asked what, he kissed me. It was our first kiss and it was amazing."

"Smooth."

"Fin."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, one thing lead to another."

"He didn't push you into anything…?"

"No. He was gentle and kind and sweet. It was everything I had ever hoped it would be. After we laid together and talked. He held me so close, I could feel his heartbeat against mine. Everything was wonderful, until this morning."

"What happened this morning?"

"We were talking. Noah woke up and started to cry. Elliot just got this look of disappointment on his face. But, it was more than that. It was so… he looked at me and said 'you have a baby?' It was like someone punched me in the stomach. It took the breath right out of me."

"What else did he say?"

"Nothing. I played it off like I had expected it to be a one night stand and left to take care of the baby. I told him to show himself out and he was gone when I came out of the nursery. It's just…crazy. I mean, I guess I did it to myself. It was just nice being with him again. And all of those old feelings and emotions came rushing back and for the first time, we didn't have to hold them all back anymore. I let myself get swept up in the romantic notion of a happily ever after and every sense of reality just went right out the window. I guess that's what I get for thinking that I could finally be happy with someone."

"That's crazy. Of course you can be happy. And you will. Elliot was probably just caught off guard. You know he probably got all swept up in things too. I am sure he didn't mean anything by it. Besides, dude loves kids. He ought to, he has like nine of them."

Olivia laughed a little.

"He has five kids."

"And Noah is incredible. He is such a content and happy baby. I adore him and I don't really even like kids."

"I just sat there like an idiot waiting for him to say something else, but there was nothing. It was like he couldn't get out of there fast enough. And that look on his face….that look will haunt me for the rest of my life."

"I don't blame you for being hurt and upset. I am just thinking that maybe things aren't what they seem, that's all. Look, I'm a guy and I will be the first to admit that most of the time we are bone heads. We don't always think before we react and we don't always say things the way we mean them to be said. Sometimes things get all jumbled up and we hurt people when we really don't mean to. I know you are hurt and angry, I just think maybe after you've had time to let that settle you could talk to Elliot. Ask him what the deal was and find out exactly how he really does feel about you having a child. Because that is a deal breaker if someone doesn't want to day you because you have a son. I just really don't see Elliot having a problem with you having a kid."

"He's raised his babies, Fin. What if he doesn't want to deal with diapers and bottles and teething anymore? Most of his kids are in college, his youngest is in school now. Maybe he doesn't want to do the baby thing again."

"Maybe. But you don't know unless you ask him."

"Yea."

Later that evening Nick and Olivia were discussing a few case details on their way out for the night. There on the steps in front of the building sat Elliot with a bouquet of flowers.

"I do not believe this guy," Amaro said stepping protectively in front of his partner. "I thought I told you to get lost?"

"Nick," Olivia replied placing her hand on his shoulder, "its okay. I think maybe it is time we had a talk."

"You sure about this?" he asked as Elliot slowly approached them.

"Yea, I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright. Call me if you need anything."

Olivia pressed her lips together as Elliot approached her.

"You've been sitting out here all afternoon?"

"Your guard dog wouldn't let me wait inside."

"He means well."

"I'm glad you've got someone looking out for you. Flowers are wilted."

"Water will perk them right up. Thank you."

Things were silent for a moment.

"Olivia, I swear, I never meant to hurt you. We sat for hours yesterday and talked about everything under the sun. Not once did you mention that you had a child."

"I didn't realize it would be a problem," she whispered staring at him.

"It's not a problem."

"The look on your face, Elliot," she whispered shaking her head. "It was like a sucker punch to the stomach."

"I was shocked. I'll admit. But not necessarily bad shocked. It just took a few minutes for me to register what was going on. I'm a moron. And I made a stupid face that hurt your feelings and I am sorry."

"I don't want to have to choose, Elliot. I stand here right now and I feel, almost sick about the thought of having to give up one of the most important people in my life. And for the first time I fully understand what you must have felt when Kathy asked you to make your choice. You did what you had to do and I can't hold that against you. I got hurt, but I know that was unavoidable and I forgive you for it. But I am asking you not to put me in that position. I have been in love with you for nearly half my life, but if I have to choose between you and Noah….My choice will always be my son."

"As it should be. Liv, I would never ask that of you. I don't have a problem with you having a child, I am happy for you."

"Really?"

Elliot smiled.

"I always knew you would be a wonderful mother one day. And I love babies. I guess I just don't react well to surprises. I didn't mean to hurt you or upset you, I was just shocked. Out of the blue I hear a baby crying. I guess it took me a few dumfounded minutes of standing around with a stupid look on my face to process that. So, if you can forgive me….again. I was hoping maybe you would consider giving me another second chance."

"I should be a more open communicator," she said softly with a nod.

"I think that is something we could both work on," Elliot replied taking her hands in his. "And I know we are working on the friendship," he said raising her chin with his thumb and staring into her eyes, "but I kind of have this enormous crush on you."

Olivia closed her eyes and he kissed her tenderly.

"Oh yea?" she laughed against his cheek.

"Yea. I think I might be just a little bit in love with you," he confessed. "And I cannot wait to meet little Noah."

Olivia smiled.

"El, I really think maybe we should slow things down a bit. I want this, all of this….really I do. But I have not dated anyone since…."

"Cassidy?"

"I was gonna say Noah," she said with a smile. "But no, I have not dated anyone since my break up with Brian, or since Noah entered the picture. I have to think about him now. He comes first in everything that I do. Even dating."

"I've got kids, Liv. I understand."

"I just don't want to introduce every man I date into his life. He needs more stability than that."

"And I have a bad habit of disappearing."

Olivia just stared at him.

"I'm a big girl, Elliot. I get hurt and I will rebound….eventually. He is just a little boy, I don't want him to get attached to someone and it not work out. I don't want him to have to hurt like that."

"I do not plan on going anywhere. And thought you forgave me for leaving?"

"I forgive you, El. But I can't forget. When wounds heal they leave a scar. And whether you want them to or not, those scars remind us of the past. They remind us of the pain so that hopefully we will remember how bad it felt and we won't make the same mistake again."

"But you are standing here saying that you are willing to make the same mistake."

"No, I am standing here saying that I am willing to give this another chance, because this time I don't think it is a mistake."

"Neither do I," Elliot whispered leaning closer to kiss her passionately.


End file.
